Last Christmas, Drew had first and
second round picks. The very next draft, he gave them away. This
year, to save us from stress, we gave them to someone special.
As I handed the commissioner reigns to
Richie this off-season, I unofficially signed back up to write
articles about stupid stuff I used to write articles about. Richie
the red nosed reindeer is now guiding our collective sleigh into 2015
with a new reindeer on board, Tim, who replaces Drew who spent as
much time in the Diamond Dynasty basement as we all collectively
spent in his basement in high school.
Now that Tim is in, it is pretty clear
what we all hope he achieves: Have fun, pay attention, don't finish
last and trade away everything then leave the league. Fairly simple
goals, this is not Mission Timpossible.
As for on-field performance, that is a
different story. Over the years we have welcomed many a fellow 2006
WHS graduate to the league, and all but one of them (Jarrett) has
been shamed out of the league. Here is how they fared in their first
year:
2003: Chuck and Jarrett got the most
prestigious invite in the history of Thurston Middle School. Jarrett
narrowly missed the playoffs while Chuck, led by Bo Hart's .277
average and 4 home runs, finished 9th. Ironically, 9th
was the place he finished in as well as the grade he currently looks
for romantic partners. Records as follows:
Jarrett: 105-102-13
(.507)
Chuck: 88-116-16 (.436)
2004: Expansion worked once, has to
work again, right?! Pfree Peed away a free $20 while Jason drafted
Pedro and Nomar 1 and 2. Paul French's epically terrible season will
forever be remembered by the Paul French Award.
Jason: 91-113-16
(.450)
Paul: 76-131-13
(.375)
2005: Exit Paul, Jason and Chuck
(minutes before the draft). Enter: Kyle. I don't think he did
anything. A remarkably un-remarkable tenure in the Diamond Dynasty
ended with the following:
Kyle: 103-107-10
(.491)
2006: Exit Kyle. To this day, I'm not
sure if he knows he's out of the league and I'm not sure if he
remembers ever being in the league. Enter everyone's favorite Drew.
As is well documented in this blog, Drew has been mostly terrible.
It did not take long for him to establish this trend, spending and
ending his first year in last place.
Drew: 84-121-15
(.416)
So how do these rank?
Jarrett: 105-102-13
(.507)
Kyle: 103-107-10
(.491)
Jason: 91-113-16
(.450)
Chuck: 88-116-16 (.436)
Drew: 84-121-15
(.416)
Paul: 76-131-13
(.375)
That's how.
Good job by us, keeping the best ever
expansion member in the league for this long. Bad on us for keeping
the second worst expansion member for as long as we did. This league
is all about fun, but with fun comes mistakes and with mistakes comes
hilarious stories about trade rape and mustaches.
As you can see from the above numbers,
Tim does not have a big task ahead of him to become
not-the-worst-expansion-manager-ever. Likely, his goal is to join
Jarrett as a winning first year manager, but if he doesn't he will
still likely be better than everyone else.
Good luck to Tim this year and a Merry
Christmas to all of you!
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