Tuesday, December 23, 2014

A Christmas Story: Mission Timpossible


Last Christmas, Drew had first and second round picks. The very next draft, he gave them away. This year, to save us from stress, we gave them to someone special.



As I handed the commissioner reigns to Richie this off-season, I unofficially signed back up to write articles about stupid stuff I used to write articles about. Richie the red nosed reindeer is now guiding our collective sleigh into 2015 with a new reindeer on board, Tim, who replaces Drew who spent as much time in the Diamond Dynasty basement as we all collectively spent in his basement in high school.



Now that Tim is in, it is pretty clear what we all hope he achieves: Have fun, pay attention, don't finish last and trade away everything then leave the league. Fairly simple goals, this is not Mission Timpossible.



As for on-field performance, that is a different story. Over the years we have welcomed many a fellow 2006 WHS graduate to the league, and all but one of them (Jarrett) has been shamed out of the league. Here is how they fared in their first year:



2003: Chuck and Jarrett got the most prestigious invite in the history of Thurston Middle School. Jarrett narrowly missed the playoffs while Chuck, led by Bo Hart's .277 average and 4 home runs, finished 9th. Ironically, 9th was the place he finished in as well as the grade he currently looks for romantic partners. Records as follows:



Jarrett: 105-102-13 (.507)

Chuck: 88-116-16 (.436)



2004: Expansion worked once, has to work again, right?! Pfree Peed away a free $20 while Jason drafted Pedro and Nomar 1 and 2. Paul French's epically terrible season will forever be remembered by the Paul French Award.



Jason: 91-113-16 (.450)

Paul: 76-131-13 (.375)



2005: Exit Paul, Jason and Chuck (minutes before the draft). Enter: Kyle. I don't think he did anything. A remarkably un-remarkable tenure in the Diamond Dynasty ended with the following:



Kyle: 103-107-10 (.491)



2006: Exit Kyle. To this day, I'm not sure if he knows he's out of the league and I'm not sure if he remembers ever being in the league. Enter everyone's favorite Drew. As is well documented in this blog, Drew has been mostly terrible. It did not take long for him to establish this trend, spending and ending his first year in last place.



Drew: 84-121-15 (.416)



So how do these rank?



Jarrett: 105-102-13 (.507)

Kyle: 103-107-10 (.491)

Jason: 91-113-16 (.450)

Chuck: 88-116-16 (.436)

Drew: 84-121-15 (.416)

Paul: 76-131-13 (.375)



That's how.



Good job by us, keeping the best ever expansion member in the league for this long. Bad on us for keeping the second worst expansion member for as long as we did. This league is all about fun, but with fun comes mistakes and with mistakes comes hilarious stories about trade rape and mustaches.



As you can see from the above numbers, Tim does not have a big task ahead of him to become not-the-worst-expansion-manager-ever. Likely, his goal is to join Jarrett as a winning first year manager, but if he doesn't he will still likely be better than everyone else.



Good luck to Tim this year and a Merry Christmas to all of you!

 

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